Oscar Live Blogging

7:04 - Check that, my wife insists on watching the Pre-Show. Early verdicts, Taraji P. Henson looks great, so does Kate Winslet. Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a foot.

7:06 - I really hate that Miley Cyrus is famous. I'm waiting for her to be cute and over 18, but I just don't see it happening.

7:10 - I usually don't have any problem with Tim Gunn, but he's interviewing the Valentino guy and I'm a little worried about it, because I feel the gay seeping through the television.

7:11 - What the hell is Gary Sinise doing with all the guys from Slumdog Millionaire? Is he just hanging out out to get some chances of getting some more parts since his Oscar nomination back in 94.

7:13 - I like seeing Robert Downey Jr. look like a normal guy as opposed to some guy who just did a line of coke off a urinal and threw some suit together, before someone told him that it was actually a formal event. Thank God. He looks pretty good.

7:16 - Good job Anne Hathaway, you look pretty and fair, just like everyone expected you too. I need to cool it down or I'm going to burn myself out on all this red carpet crap.

7:21 - Is that Meryl Streep's daughter? She looks great! She is way too hot not to be famous. Penelope Cruz is right behind her and looks great. Too bad there weren't any really good looking women in Milk, so I could make boob jokes. Too bad.

7:25 - I have an unhealthy obsession with Leslie Mann. Maybe it's because she is so freaking funny, but she's adorable as well. Nothing in Knocked Up is funnier than her stuttering the c-word.

7:28 - Alright, (cue Joker voice) here we go!

7:32 - Wow, it only took two minutes for our first Kate Winslet reference of the night. We're well on our way.

7:35 - Is Hugh Jackman trying to stop from laughing while singing? Mildly impressed so far. I knew Anne Hathaway would get involved already. Wow...who knew Anne Hathaway could sing. Check out the pipes on that girl. This is going much better than I expected it too. Maybe Jackman will work out alright...

7:39 - Wow, standing O right off the bat. Maybe this will work out okay.

7:42 - Montage #1. Little curtain malfunction, but it's okay.

7:43 - Man, they are pulling out all the stops for this first Oscar. It is feeling like it is taking way too long. Still, they're taking risks...I'll give the Oscars that.

7:48 - Best Supporting Actress is for Penelope Cruz for Vicky Cristina Barcelona. By the way, this is the fifth Oscar win for a Woody Allen film, which ties Clint Eastwood in the last 40 years. She definitely deserved it, but my Amy Adams pick makes me feel stupid now. I'm getting worried that this ceremony will be a Slumdog/Slumdog/Winslet/Rourke/Cruz/Ledger day. I would love some variation. We'll see.

7:51 - Nice little speech by Penelope Cruz, but I was really hoping my out on a limb prediction of Amy Adams would pay off. Oh well...at least we know that leaked list isn't right.

7:55 - God, I love Tiny Fey. Steve Martin is okay too.

7:58 - Best Original Screenplay is to Dustin Lance Black for Milk. Good for him, he did deserve it. To the best of my knowledge, he is the first gay man to win an Oscar unless I am overlooking someone who is obvious.

8:00 - Best Adapted Screenplay is to Simon Beaufoy for Slumdog Millionaire. And Slumdog is 1/1 so far. I am really hoping this is not how the night ends up going. But, it probably will be.

8:04 - It's nice to see Jennifer Aniston looking good.

8:06 - If this is what these yearbooks are going to be like in which we celebrate both Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Space Chimps, you can leave me out.

8:07 - Best Animated Feature goes to WALL-E. Four categories are slam dunks and this is the first. Can't wait for Ledger, Boyle and Slumdog to doing the same thing. Animators always have the best speeches because of how happy they are to be there.

8:09 - Best Animated Short goes to La Maison en Petit Cubes. Oh well, who knows in these categories. Shahnk you, sir. Got to love the domo origoto.

8:16 - That set is pretty awesome looking, just like the only thing worth talking about when it comes to Sarah Jessica Parker, being her chest.

8:17 - Best Act Direction goes to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Well, that means that won't go home empty handed. I'm just really hoping The Dark Knight doesn't go home with only one at the end of the night.

8:20 - Best Costume Design goes to The Duchess. At least things are going fast. Should have gone with that originally. Period pieces are puddy in the hands of the Academy.

8:23 - The hosts of the 81st Academy Awards, Hugh Jackman, Daniel Craig and Sarah Jessica Parker.

8:24 - Best Makeup goes to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It definitely deserved it. It doesn't exactly look like Brad Pitt for half the film. I always have thought makeup is one of those underrated categories in films. This is the category I've always enjoyed seeing the winners.

8:26 - Here comes the romance montage. Hosted by two people who will never be famous again after this year. Let's see what crap they put into this one. Those films include Seven Pounds, High School Musical 3, Twilight and Nights in Rodanthe. But at least they included Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

8:32 - Ahh, Joaquin Phoenix reference, I just now got it. My wife had to tell me. It's kind of funny, but why don't they make a Christian Bale reference while they're at it.

8:35 - Best Cinematography goes to Slumdog Millionaire. Ugghh...2/2

8:39 - Jessica Biel talks about the Sci-Tech Awards for about two minutes, which is all anyone really cares about it. Well done Academy, well done.

8:43 - Comedy montage. This is much better as far as montages go. Anything with James Franco and Seth Rogen is funnier. This is the true indication of the public's feelings towards these movies. Best part of the Oscars so far. A stoned Janus Kaminski. Great for them.

8:47 - Best Live Action short goes to Spielzeugland. I'm not against these shorts, but no one really knows about them. I wish they could be easier to see. Nice little speech, talking about how winning an Oscar will help his career. Should go without saying.

8:50 - My wife is saying that Heath Ledger won't win and I say that, if that happens, it will be the first time in Oscar history that a winner is booed. This would turn me off from the Academy for the rest of my life. No chance this happens...I hope.

8:52 - Hugh Jackman musical number #2. He gets a cane thrown by Brad Pitt...the Oscars have apparently turned into the Tony's. There's a reason I never watch the Tony's. Put Beyonce into this as well, and if it wasn't the Oscars, I'd turn it off. What does this have to do with movies. Are they celebrating the musicals? I blame Mamma Mia! for all this crap. I think the Oscars should go back to Billy Crystal. He never did a bad job. Let's get on that, because this is ridiculous.

8:56 - Let's finish this off, oh wait...you had to include Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens. Wait, what? The Mamma Mia! people too? Can we give Heath Ledger his Oscar already...geez.

8:57 - Words from the wife, "I just lost ten minutes of my life." I married her because she's smart.

8:58 - Penelope Cruz's face after the song-and-dance number gives the general tone of what everyone really thought. My interpretation of her thoughts, "Wow, it took 10 minutes to introduce the nominees before my Oscar and that was completely pointless. I wonder if the after party will start before midnight?"

9:04 - I love the Seymour Phillip Hoffman reference from Alan Arkin. Old guys are awesome. That entire sequence was pretty good, especially the Cuba Gooding Jr. part. It's nice to know he still gets a paycheck. Christopher Walken introducing Michael Shannon is well done. Everyone is kind of one edge as Kevin Kline introduces Ledger.

9:08 - Best Supporting Actor goes to Heath Ledger for The Dark Knight. Surprise of the night. His mom, dad and sister accept and I'm ready for tears.

9:11 - If it wasn't for freaking Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, no one would have cried, but those bastards brought it out. I'm surprised how well they kept it together.

9:12 - I wonder how many people have turned the Oscars off now, since Ledger is already done. Documentaries coming up. Is this a montage, or what? I guess it is.

9:14 - Best Documentary goes to Man on Wire. Bill Mahr does a surprisingly good job in not doing something political in his pre-speech. My favorite documentary didn't get nominated, but that's okay. Is Philip Petit in a leather suit? Wow, that's interesting. Petit almost made Oscar history by being the first person to break an Oscar on stage.

9:17 - Best Documentary Short Subject goes to Smile Pinki. What does short subject really mean. Is it just a shorter film or what? I don't know what that means. Anyway, Megan Mylan's earings are enchanting. I can't take my eyes off them.

9:21 - I am really surprised with this pacing. The schedule they released is keeping pretty close to the actual.

9:23 - Action montage includes Speed Racer and Indiana Jones. Apparently, action doesn't happen without cars. I was unaware of this. Did I just see Rambo? Freaking sweet.

9:27 - Best Visual Effects goes to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. That's the third one for them tonight. I would love if it beat Slumdog in total awards, but I wouldn't expect it.

9:28 - Best Sound Editing goes to The Dark Knight. This means Slumdog won't sweep, which is freaking great. I love it even more that it was beaten by The Dark Knight.

9:30 - Best Sound Mixing goes to Slumdog Millionaire. Damn it, that was a disappointment. Does this mean that WALL-E will only win one Oscar. That sucks.

9:33 - Best Film Editing goes to Slumdog Millionaire. Will Smith does the mind-reading thing and says that, yes...he is still there and that Hugh Jackman is napping. Even when Smith read the name, it felt a little predicted. How is this film the film that is winning freaking everything? Never before has such mediocrity won so much.

9:41 - Eddie Murphy presents the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award to Jerry Lewis. I don't care that much, so I will let my wife look at Coach purses online.

9:50 - I had to damn near pry my wife of the computer. That was a great idea. Music coming up. Please let WALL-E win at least one of these. At least I know Slumdog will lose Best Original Song. Though, the other one might win.

9:54 - Best Original Score goes to Slumdog Millionaire. I can't convey my tone of voice through typing, but I actually moaned my way through saying the title. Even my wife is getting annoyed. "Really, how many is that now, ten?" Actually it's five, but they have a 2/3 chance of making it six.

9:56 - The guy who just won an Oscar is singing on stage. Nice. At least I think it's him. I can't tell. Please tell me M.I.A. will show up...please God. Well, we get a nice John Legend performance. I've always liked him. Why the Indian dancers are still there is a really good question.

9:59 - No M.I.A. Too bad. What the hell? In the words of the wife, "Has India taken over this show?" I hope not. This is a sign of things to come.

10:01 - Best Original Song goes to Jai Ho from Slumdog Millionaire. Number six. India only has a billion people in it, which ones haven't won an Oscar yet?

10:05 - Best Foreign Film goes to Departures. That's the upset that the people have been looking for. No to The Class or Waltz with Bashir. It wasn't an unheard of thing happening. I love this broken English stuff. At least it keeps the speeches short.

10:11 - Who's ready for more tears. In Memoriam, set to a Queen Latifa song? As long as the video isn't playing while she's singing...damn it. This camera guy should be shot. I can't focus. Keep it on the screen camera guy. Cut to commercial so Bill Condon can be fired for that editing. They should be ashamed. Get ready for the big awards.

10:18 - Highlight of the night...Sid Gainus for only two seconds.

10:20 - Best Director goes to Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionaire. Maybe the only award that film deserved all night. Boyle saying that the Academy has been generous is an understatement. I think they can't give sexual favors to the cast, because I think that's against the rules. Looks like it will finish with eight awards. Save for foreign film, this has been a boring night. Maybe a stunner in Actor or Actress will make up for things. By the way, where is the nod to the co-director that has never been mentioned.

10:22 - Damn, if they want this thing to speed up, they shouldn't take commercials after giving only one award. Actress and Actor coming up.

10:26 - Why the standing O for the actresses? Weird.

10:32 - Best Actress goes to Kate Winslet in The Reader. It's about freaking time. I'll wait to post more about it after hearing the speech. Though, let me say, Shirley McLaine is freaking awesome, Marion Cotillard is gracious, Halle Berry is smoking, Sophia Loren is looking rough, and my wife wants Nicole Kidman's body.

10:33 - Winslet sounds like she's about to hyperventilate. Ricky Gervais is a prophet. Her dad has some pipes and he looks like a villian in a noir film. I like that she thanked Peter Jackson, remembering where they came from. And of course, she thanks Meryl Streep. Now we can start saying Academy Award-winner Kate Winslet.

10:38 - Liking these lineups.

10:43 - Best Actor goes to Sean Penn in Milk. This is bittersweet. Mickey Rourke should have won. That speech would have brought the house down. I do really like Penn's first words. I'm liking his speech a little more than I was expecting to. He just couldn't let the political aspect go, I just am so glad that McCain didn't win. I love the Mickey Rourke tribute.

10:47 - Spielberg here to present Best Picture to Slumdog. Another montage.

10:53 - Best Picture goes to Slumdog Millionaire. Eight Oscars. Too bad. I surprised that Milk won more than one award. Good for them. They bring the kids up, but in 10 years, this will go down as one of the worst Best Picture winners in a long time.


I'm tired and I'm going to sleep. I wish it wasn't so anti-climactic, but it's over. Only 365 days until next year. I can't wait.